My dog died 2 weeks ago. This is the first I’ve been able to write about it. His name was Mocha, a chow, and travelled with me for 16 years. We went everywhere a girl and her 55 lb dog could go, often staying for a year or two so I could follow my dreams or just explore. Los Angeles, Nashville, Santa Barbara, Atlanta, Birmingham, New York, Louisville and every stop in between. Mocha made me feel safe, loved and not alone. What a companion he was…
I’d been carrying him up stairs for 4 years (often 3 -4 flights!) because of his bad hip, but didn’t mind at all. For all he’d done for me, it was a simple thing. During the last stretch of his life, we discovered he had a tumor on his paw and cancer growing in his body. His limp was debilitating. Although it required lots of meatball treats, a friend’s special handicap service van and trips to the vet every three days for new bandages, I’m so glad to have alleviated his pain and given his quality of life back, if only for 2 weeks. He rallied.
Those of you that have lost a pet, a friend or family member can relate to the grief that follows. I knew I had to put him to rest on that last day – he was telling me. Somehow in a process such as this, everything else in the world becomes unimportant. Have you noticed this phenomenon? When it comes to life and death, or even severe illness, a perspective is found that trumps all others. Money, fears, trivial desires or even small ailments fade. The mental chatter of once important work matters, to-do lists or arguments with a friend simply dissipate. What Mocha’s life and his death taught me – love is what really penetrates. The rest, I usually make up somehow to either occupy my mind, validate my existence or just to give me something to complain about. Love prevails, and in grieving, it’s a time to transform the recognition of that love from the physical to purely the spiritual.
The painting here is a tribute to him and was an essential part of my healing process. All of the emotion that was swirling inside was placed onto that canvas.
Although I miss seeing him and touching him, it’s strange, but I don’t feel like Mocha is really gone. He’s visited my dreams twice and his energy is part of mine. And wonderfully, I feel safe and loved. He taught me that.
To all those who have lost a beloved companion, my heart is with you and I hope that love helps you heal.