As a health writer, I can discuss things most people won’t. Halitosis. B.O. Hormones and these pesky chin whiskers, herbs that enhance sex… it’s what I do, what can I say. This story, however, is a bit revealing – and comical in a twisted sort of way – but there is a good health issue at hand. Constipation. Here’s my Crappy Superbowl Party story. March is National Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month by the way.

It was a SuperBowl I’ll never forget. It just happened last week for crying out loud! Superbowl XLIV. I was at a party, a small gathering of my gay boyfriends. I’m straight, they are all gay, I’m the only woman – go ahead, psychoanalyze that Freud. Anyway, it was all I could do to get to the party. I had recently started a 6 week contract job, was finishing a writing project, had a TV shoot the day before and 3 weeks prior had a death in my family. ‘XLIV’ pretty much summed it up– no life left. On top of all that, I hadn’t gone number 2 in about 7 days. I KNOW!! I was seriously backed up, and felt like crap.

Of course my gay bf’s had lots of yummy food to eat, so eat I did. And by the end of the first quarter I thought I was going to explode. The pain, the bloating, the weariness. I needed help. Luckily these men love me and I figured if I could talk to anyone about anal issues, it was them. In the moment of my not so quite desperation, one bf recommended an enema. I needed it “right now.” For some strange reason, eh-hum, he had an enema bottle on-hand. After sterilization and some icky lube, I was able to find victory during the 3rd quarter. “We won!” I said, returning to the living room with a bounce in my step.

I’m not proud that I was constipated and had to use my bf’s enema bottle, but it did entice an interesting post Superbowl conversation about colon health and colonics. I’ve had issues with elimination most of my life and know, by now, that STRESS and dietary changes are the main culprits that keep me from “winning” on a daily basis. A healthy body and bowel should eliminate at least 1-2 times a day, if not three. It really is Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month, and over 655,000 deaths a year are due to colon cancer. Risk factors include family history, polyps in the colon or age 50 +. If you are stressed or are having poopage problems for other reasons, you may consider a colon cleanse, natural fibers like flax or some gentle yoga exercises. That week was miserable, prompting strict attention to my precious colon. Nothing is worth the stress of ill-health.

Thanks bf’s! It was a great party (btw, who won that game?)

SIGNS OR SYMPTOMS OF COLON CANCER:

* A change in bowel habits.
* Blood (either bright red or very dark) in the stool.
* Diarrhea, constipation or feeling that the bowel does not empty completely.
* Stools that are narrower than usual.
* General abdominal discomfort (frequent gas pains, bloating, fullness or cramps).
* Weight loss with no known reason.
* Constant tiredness.
* Vomiting.