Pure, unconditional heartfelt love. We all want it, yet most of us feel incapable of giving or receiving it. How do we trust love when it’s hurt us in the past? Therapists, scriptures, poems and books offer advice yet none is effective if we continue to block love due to fear. Each of has an old story inside that links love to pain & suffering. And we’re terrified of more heartbreak. We believe that to love again means that we’ll have to relive that painful outcome. So, we control our love, offering just enough but holding back enough so that another blow won’t destroy us. We create excuses, emotional walls and negative behaviors to block affection. But limiting love does not protect you, it only serves to feed the fear of your mind.
We’re not really afraid of love, we’re afraid of suffering. We’re scared we’ll get hurt. We’ve been hurt. We’re afraid we aren’t strong enough to deal with more pain, and we may crumble. We’re afraid of these things because we’ve been operating in a disconnected, detached manner from our real emotions and history of our life. We’ve been taught to push things under the rug, to avoid difficult conversations, to not speak up or express our suffering. But what would happen if we actually accept and honor our past just as it was, and our present just as it is, and love ourselves anyway? Will we become weak or out of control? Unable to protect ourselves? Does acceptance make us gullible? Does acceptance mean I agree with what happened and I’ll let it happen again?
The only way to experience love with no metrics, no competition, no jealousy or fear is to truly accept the horrors of your past and embrace the fullness of your authentic emotions. Good and bad emotions.
Acceptance makes us strong. In my book I call it The Pillar of Strength. It is from the very things that we try to avoid that will actually make us strong if we allow them. Acceptance gives us the courage to face reality so we can offer love that has no ties, limits or conditions. Acceptance allows us to trust ourselves to deal with our authentic emotions and provide a safe environment to do so.
When we are detached from the deepest and most vulnerable parts of ourselves, there is no way we can fully attach and offer love and acceptance to another.
Heartache is not the worst pain, the worst is heartlessness. Blocking, detaching and disconnecting is what causes the space and barrier between you and love. These behaviors separate you from your own heart. How can you fully engage with another when you’re not connected to yourself?
Trying to forget and move on with your life as if something didn’t happen is not the path to healing. To find forgiveness, peace, and love we must accept the reality and richness of each experience as it truly was, or is. As we embrace the reality, it fortifies our hearts and gives us permission to feel. We may feel angry, weak or vulnerable. We may feel happy, in love or scared. Whatever the feelings, they are real. It’s our job to create a safe and genuine place that emotions can just be, so that we know the validity and authenticity of what we are experiencing.
True love isn’t judgmental, it allows the truth. Only then can we acknowledge and own our real feelings and trust ourselves to be responsible to handle a full range of authentic emotions, no matter what they are. Happiness or heartache. Grief, sadness or bliss.
This is the fearless path to love that has no limits.